Tuesday, April 20, 2004


4 days to go till i'm 30. i think this is supposed to feel significant but it dosen't, although i'm slightly surprised i'm here at all. i've got no job, no lover, no money and i'm miles from home. it feels pretty bloody fantastic.

if anyone feels moved to buy me a present and is stuck for ideas please make me dinner sometime; i'll be poor and hungry when i get back to blighty. or, less selfishly, please make a donation to the red cross, becuase their volunteers were very kind to me (although i'm still bewildered as to why they gave me a toy bear when i asked for someone to talk to) said bear has now been devoured by the adorable susie. i tried to give it back so it could be passed onto someone who would appreciate it but the lady said i should give it to daisy becuase she was so great - which is true, but she's also not a bear person. but i knew her puppy dog would love such an object to death.

money's a funny thing. this escapade has left me skint - i knew it would, to me money is something that lets you have experiences and i've never aspired to be financially rich, as y'all know i'm a useless old hippy that cant be trusted not to blow any cash i have on music and beer. there were scumbaggy lawyer types crawlking around jackson talking about lawsuits and big bucks and to me this seemed wrong, dirty and immoral. their manner was horrible btw - nasty men in flash suits, very very pushy, they could see i was vulnerable and decided this must mean i was stupid too - happily i'm not and didnt fall for their nasty bullshit and ridiculous promises. however, i am starting to think maybe i do need a lawyer and i should do something - if everyone else is doing it why shouldn't i - i permitted myself a little daydream if i did get money. the house/car/flash stuff dymanic has never appealed to me but i'd love to get twang printed on nice paper, maybe get an eight track and a computer that works....

i wish there was an american equivalent of the CAB, becuase i feel like i need some independent legal advice. if anyone reading this has any ideas i'd be really greatful.


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